I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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