my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
