my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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