He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
