Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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