just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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