dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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