If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
