We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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