I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
