take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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