Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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