she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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