did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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