I hate all girls vehemently.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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