took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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