I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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