Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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