I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
