Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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