He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
