Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
