im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
