Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
