im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
