Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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