Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
