yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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