Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
