i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
