as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
