I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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