Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
