at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
