this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
