And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
