do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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