I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
