i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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