I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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