Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How external is "for external use only"?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
