Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
