**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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