So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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