toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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