Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
