Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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