Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
