Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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