covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
