I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
