Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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