I just pynch a tree in the face
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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