I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His nipple licking is glorious
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